couple of lines by me:

I want to be who I AM,
To the outside world.
I want to show them,
What exists in my inside world.

No follower, no glam.,
Simple being yet,
A rough person with crazy thoughts,
Who THINKS, ” i can tackle,
The conspiracies,
& the domestic policies.

But I’m chained in a surrounding,
Where no-one doubts beyond the cracks,
No-one approaches the unseen.

So I’d prefer,
Being an edged stone or a thorn,
Than a pebble or a flower,
Resisting everything,
Rather loosing identity with the flow.

I want to be ME,
Not like every other person,
Who is forcefully caged.
Where thoughts are not to be brought,
And only monopolies are bought.

I don’t know where I am destined to be,
Fate is in my hands,
Yet luck is awaited,
To be conquered by me!

I still walk,
On the path of discovery,
I doubt,
This would continue,
Until the BIG TRAGEDY!”

random one….

People meet different experiences as they move on through their lives. On the basis of those experiences, whether good or bad,one develops his own dictionary in which words rarely may or usually may not be what they actually mean. All words in it are personalized & carry our perspective of thought, our approach to see the unseen & the direction of our brains! Each definition of every word is our own,be it right or wrong. This creates different personalities. But keeping aside all the differences of mindsets,listening to others point of views may correct our perceptions leading to simplified conclusions. So one should be open to at least give a thought to what others say rather confining to own thoughts because at the end of the day, decision of acceptance or rejection is our own!

a little effort to get back in time……

i dedicate this to my gals, habibians batch 06-07…its jst a lil effort to get u baq in tym:

I just don’t understand why,
We all are taught to try.
Still can’t forget my memos,
I believe will miss ‘em as life goes.
It was our home there,
8 to 4+ the fullday dare.
We all hated it,i know,
Praying for halfday, a hope to go.
Our shouts of Ms.Naheed Rizvi’s arival,
Those imitations and bonfire carnival.
Those spying frightening eyes of Ms.Naheed,
Ms.Kamal’s departure leaving Ms.Alvi to lead.
Many teachers came and went,to keep with pace,
But Ms.Shams,zuberi,sabir,jai mala,romana,mehr kazmi,hassan could never be replaced.
Searching in magazines for glam,
And finishing with the last exam.
Just a day before,in exam world we land.
Asking questions to see where our preparation stand.
Our those dusters, i miss the most,
Every moring buzz of “do min. dey na, dost”
Echos in ear of “chalo chalo” beside the hall of examination,
Some were lucky, not faced the detention.
Those sleepy classes of fullday,
And those giggles on beizzati,v called happy budday.
That pak std. we ran from,
Copying machine, our fastest form.
Gossiping around when its not the right time,
Just was the assembly,we stood in line.
We prayed for teachers absence,
But we never planned our habitual presence.
Those fullday breaks of ultimate fun around,
With soup,slims,drinks,chinese and perks in the ground.
Those matches i too believe can any one forget,
Eyes moving with ball to see who’ll miss the catch.
Hootings echoed all year round,
For election campaign,the ground was bound.
Nobody from us can ever let it go,
We’ll cherish every moment we know.
No use to now frown,
I believe life means to “Move On”
With memos being a part of me,
I shine with the golden glee!!

invisible chains…..

she has been trapped in invisible chains since years! In this dark, the feeling of freedom still prevails inside her…..the freedom to choose, the freedom to speak,the freedom to make things happen is compelling her to live and hope that one day she would experience the light of the day. Still,she trusts her fate and believes that it wont deceive her! Being in dark for years,will she bear the light? Will she be able to break those chains and accept this drastic change? And will she face defeat from her fate? These are the questions in her mind,until the perfect time comes for them to be answered…..

a fight of thoughts…ended in sobbs

Surrounded by strangers in that wedding she was looking pretty, someone she was not in her daily life! The normal girl, with baggy clothes, scattered hair & spectacles, was not herself in that wedding! She was among her so-called relatives, the relatives who made their way to their tables,hurting her by comparing with other beauties present there of the same age. She was a source of entertainment and that had hurt her. Remembering of what has happened moments ago, she was forced to put a smile on her face pretending to b happy just because of her family ties, which were responsible for the mask pulled on her face. She suffered most taunts that night,as a gift for attending someone’s happy moments! that feeling of being a piece to be laughed on,made her lonely in that huge crowd!

After coming back and putting off the mask, she tried to sleep but the desire of sleep was v.far in her sight. She stood up and thought if her feelings meant anything for anyone. What happened dat night made her think that she was a pretty soul, but that did not matter until the world tagged as beautiful. She thought herself to be a burden on the people around. She did not realize that the pen she was using,could not recall its path! Its starting and endpoint was lost and so was she! She thought if her character was imp more than her beauty of skin. Her brain answered YES but all her life she didn’t had that experience yet so concluded a NO! She looked at the flashing lights from several homes on a quiet winter night, outside the window of her apartment. Breeze couldn’t dry her tears and she had chosen her destiny.

She prepared herself to sleep and hoping for a new day at the end of dark tunnel. On her way to dreamland,she saw the opened window. She walked to the window & tried to close it but stopped in halfway,stood up the rim and crashed on a car top! She never expressed her feelings to anyone! With her, died her thoughts,reasons and worries. All left behind were sobs of parents and relatives,who if would have tried to understand her, could have saved her. The grief is much to overcome the death of the only daughter they had! The dreams of her engagement next year, shattered into bits and were cutting them deep down! Her mother still gets excited at every doorbell, feeling that her daughter’s back from that wedding ceremony and must have enjoyed there……

one of the oldest…..

its one of the oldest in heap, not VERY me bt yea, motivating:

In this world of fantasy,
In this world of glory.
We just have to live,
‘Cause God had no choice to give.
Truth is here but with a lie,
And we have to tackle this tie.
It isn’t easy to live in here,
Where nobody even cares.
Broken hearts and shattered dreams,
Boosts the one to let the esteem.
Money matters here all,
No matter how much the character falls.
Trust even aren’t staying,
Friends here are betraying.
Helping someone,a crime.OH NO,
Jealousy,a part of lives, i know.
Still there are beings who lead a good life,
Inspite of having many as spice.
Survival through good deeds is must,
Only on the conditions of just.
Hope for a good life,ofcourse,
If God’s book is the only source…..!!

behind my journals…..

this is all when we are bored of lecture or free to talk between the lectures or when im revising before exam… Here are the pieces of script from my journals back,contributed by me and people around me called, friends.

* If you can’t speak right,then……. SHUT UP!

* I’m wierder than normal.

* Revenge is not good……GET EVIL!

* a May Be also exists between a Yes and a No.

* noone takes others experience so well,until they face it themselves.

* there’s a satan in every human. If being optimistic was everything,then what’s the satan inside, doing??

* we desire to convert temporary to permanent,but we forget that permanent is boring.

* death is hereditary.

* if the expected happens, we loose the passion to move on!

* no doubt,we’ll go with BEST memories!! :@ (ma’am ayesha and marx deducting ceremony…..lol )

* laziness is an art in itself.

*nothing is limitless.

* Einstein- freedom can never be unlimited.

* satisfaction is the death of desire!

*the wounds don’t seem to heal,
The pain is just to real,
There’s too much,
That time cannot erase!

*there’s so much freedom to kill these days!

*in the next decade,DCW will be replaced by a jail, not much different from previous!

*if you can’t convince them, CONFUSE THEM.

* if words hurt,no appologies……they are meant to be!
(my tagg line…lol)

* perfect doesn’t exist….not in this world atleast!

*power gives authority to sin!

*Search, teenagers by my chemical romance. (trey)

*300

*by the river pierda,i sat down and wept?? Or brida??

* conv.
S: u were never normal honey!
M: i thought i was sometime baq, but now i realized,i was wrong!!

* my tooth hurts! Ouch!

* : pix were awsome!!
Me: i know!! U missd it n i hate u!
W: y?
Me: u dnt knw? Ryt!!

*ill forget,but i should know what to forget.

*im getting bored, u firangi!!!

* cant b cheap than, S.M

*ppl shouldnt act what they are not. (mam ayesha scene)

* they say they know me when i haven’t discovered myself yet!.

* i saw, the nanny diaries, 4m ds,i got : u hav 2 get mixed into d world to know ur world.

*slumdog, 7!!
No its 8!! Wat r u sayn? Yeah!!

*reasoning truth, except faith!

*everything in this world is an imitation- Aristotle.

*hating me won’t make u any prettier. (trey)

* ill protude later. (treys sis i guess)

* lack of glucose+ lack of sucrose+ laack of fructose= ma’am T_ _ _ _ _ _

* we are strongest as our weakest link!

*yest. there was a catfight in cafe!
Shit v missd it.
Details?
No idea,
Chal aaj break mai pata karenge!

*the 2 paintings even by a same artist can never be exact. There is always a point of difference!

*sometimes its necessary to remain silent in order to have the most respectful conversation.

*if we follow the selected path as the only one, things wont go wrong!

*earth ARE formed….THE another scientist….. TAKE IT!!(mam A)

*THE some scientist….THE any change…..not sweetable(mam A)

* d: !! DAM SI BANIAZ

* dairh footiya!!

*jurassic park

*u have extra STH xnb! Lol

*music saves my soul

*i hate my memory!!

*i wonder shakespeare talked about seven “physical” ages of man becoz he couldnt discover all “mental” ages!

*I hate SRK! Hell lame! Lo

feelings of a catalogue…

SHE knows she is not like others in the surrounding but she is not a showpiece either. She does not belong to the catalogue book of pimps, whose liability is checked when she is dressed at her best wearing the worlds’ biggest smile and looking on the ground… Her gesture made an impression of shyness but the eyes were stuck to ground from anger which only she knows.
She is aware that the society she lives in,is not for her,and if she has to live here,she has to b a part of it. Being distinct and herlf,would kick her own A**! Since so many years now,she is clear about it, that she is no longer human, She is now ready to be sold. But is her realization too late?

i don’t know….

sometimes things aren’t in our control. We can’t let the river flow where we want without digging its course! I don’t know why i’m doing all the calligraphies and snapshots between the exams! I guess creativity strikes under pressure, but its my finals! I think i need someone to say, XNB! GET A LIFE….!
Lets see where the path leads! One day left before exam and im not intrested in studying! I doubt my degree at this point!

Whose fault….?

she was married and mother of a son but with a regret in heart for snatching away the daylight from her three daughters… Her son,made her remind of all the assaults and tearing words that she has been through before conceiving him….time went by,her son was turning to what she didn’t know as she had lost herself in the grief of being a killer! Her husband expired and now she was all on her relatives and surroundings,living like a dead. Her son grew up in an environment,pampered by all except his mother. The feeling of ignorance had made him cold but goal-oriented. His soft corner wanted to have some words of appreciation from his mother. His desire turned him to be a good businessman but all went in vain when her mother didn’t show any gesture of happiness over his success. They both failed to understand each others feelings. He was broken,shattering in every act and doomed in depression. His empire went down and he, a reply to many prayers, died in sorrow by consuming as many anti-depressants he could find. His mother has yet no knowledge about his death and is still stuck in previous times. Whose fault was it?

a personal haphazard thought from a corner

Those flowers waiting to bloom are gifted with extra ordinary abilities but are in the hands of some creatures who can’t smell their fragrance and tag them as wasteful products….
special children are gifted to special people but i guess guardians fail to understand this and kill them or rather leave them to be killed. I don’t know what they feel like having a disable,but what i know is they never thought the child is created incomplete to be completed by them. I fail to understand what a child would harm if he’s given much love or the parents only want return to what they spend on their kids? If they ever thought themselves in special shoes, being left in heap or encountering weird behaviours, they would have never thought of their world without unconditional love from them.
I hate,i repeat, i hate those child slaughters who don’t respect one of the precious gifts given by Almighty!
Its just my thought or may be of some other people, but not the nation’s,world’s or majority’s….They will be like what they have been since ages and will keep on filling the orphanages,rehabs or indeed dog mouths until they are shaken…
WAKE UP people! If you wont leave your sleep now,you’ll only regret it later!!!!

25 facts about me…..

1. I’m a not-so attractive,average looking young psycho woman who thinks she can accomplish her short-term aims n doesn’t forget her defeats.

2. I am a couch potato who likes to let her frustration IN to give her the power to seek better, but grudge can’t b kept inside….so i take it out on myself or words help me do that!

3. I wish to be who I AM, not what others want to see me as, bt i find it hard 2 accomplish coz the min u b urslf, ppl show u the ground!

4. Id neva eva hav guts 2 address him and say dat you stupid bro of mine i love u 4 standing up against all and yet being urself!

5. Really passionate abt guitars coz Great respect of art (be it any field) dwells in heart.

6. I try to learn something from everything cx everyone n everything has something distinct!

7. Id luv 2 go around d world n see everything….. Literally EVERYTHING. From northern chilly areas of Pakistan to antartica….jst evrything! Bt yea, homeland is homeland, no matter what situation is it in!! Pakistan Zindabad!

8. I cherish every moment,though forget some but the fun eating Maggi noodles at 2:30 am with my nails going blue coz of winters,d weather i enjoy most, is what i can neva forget cx its in practice!

9. Cant 4gt my memos at skul and college. They are and will be the part of me & my present, NOT past.

10. I love negativity coz in my opinion, negativity is a “comma” & positivity is a “full stop”

11. I want people associated with me to hate me so they don’t have to worry about me, now and after my departure coz if their care becomes my addiction,ill b nothing more than a problem 4 them!

12. I’m bad at expressing but i thank all who added and still are adding colours to my canvas of life. Gud strokes guys! Thnx!

13. I want my better-half to sing me “that specific song” i want him to!

14. I don’t believe in anything until i experience it myself or observe situation or sum1 very close in a situation! criticism is much appreciated by me!

15. For those who don’t know me……FU** off….i dont care wat u think of me! All dat matters to me are my people who understand ME not my portrayed image (a very few indeed)!

16. I want to have a big collection of some as* kicking donkey music! (4 those who dint get me,im talking about some goood rock music) and my soul wants to attend a rock concert of international artists once in my life!

17. Underestimating myself,gets d best out of me!

18. My thoughts understand freedom, my words portray it “but” it lacks in My Actions!

19. I chase myself n compete with myself!

20. I am an observer and a crazy thinker who loves to use her mind in every weird angle possible but can’t keep my sarcastic tongue in!

21. I appreciate humor but not jokes! Ppl need 2 understand d difference.

22. I hate girly stuff, socializing, wrong attitudes, silly behaviours and to top the list are, over excited people.

23. I cant live without all the fattening junk stuff, chocolates, my cell phone (if my bills are regularly paid) coz it keeps me connected and my specs which let me see the world with a sharp eye!

24. I want to have a special child around me to cater.

25. I like psychology and studying behaviours+ reading novels and if not, id rather SLEEP or write something down!