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Phases…

Nothingness:
she doesnt want to do anything….absolute nothing…. nothing on mind and be empty. once a while it comes just to make space available for upcoming life happenings. She doesnt do any task, no food or drink into her body she wants, just silence to sit alone and clean head. music is only allowed to have an entry. Sometimes 2mins are just more than enough for this but at times even 4hours are not enough, just depends on how long she has been holding back. She doesnt like to communicate with anyone in that phase and if anyone tries, they are responsible themselves for what happens next. she knows its damaging at times, but its a necessity for her.

I dont care:
its a phase she suffers most of the times that she doesnt care how she looks or what she wears until her tasks are not compromised. Not listening to what people say and mean, has been in her and so accused of modesty rather than called deaf…a word from educated people’s dictionary. she doesnt care what stories people make beacuse shes a staunch believer of I KNOW I AM RIGHT and avoiding explanations irrespective of what misconception the people might have/will have….she doesnt care about them too.

I CARE:
it is one of the rarest occasion when she is actually bothered about what certain people think of her as. being good to them is not the aim but not being bad is. She doesnt want any comment to be directed to the upbringing and thats why she makes sure she does care sometimes and act a bit in the boundary of what people like to label normal.

Restlessness:
a phase of finding peace in something. Doing anything doesn’t help the amount of hyperactive one is. No, sleep cannot even overcome this. The brain fights among itself to what is happening and no clue to ownself. It  subsides itself with time but still needs to be thought upon what makes it happen! burning eyes but cant sleep brain constantly plans A B C D working and working needless of any fuel or might be ignoring the urge of it….its the usual curiosity of human behaviour or the urge to have knowledge…if it is any….how can time subside it? or its just like an adrenaline rush which levels back to the baseline eventually after the peak

Happy:
yes one can be happy for XYZ reason but she just cannot stop smiling for the unknown reason…She is actually happy. Happenings lately have not been so good around her life but i guess now the depression pool has got no place; now its her turn to be happy. Her happy version doesn’t go out bugging or screaming in air….all her energy gets focussed and her brain hops from one memory to another which are all the collection of nice tagged album of mind….be it hopping around on beds, chalking the cupboards, sea-view calm moments in chaos or anything of that sort. Her mind circles around the fact that usually she’s a calm composed person but this phase is not in control and that freaks her out in a happy way and she constantly smiles…. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Denial, acceptance, explore, isolate… Coming soon… 

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2 responses to “Phases…

  1. mani ⋅

    i think, restlessness equals wid ‘i care’ phase, they r sumhow interlinked.

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